the poet

i'm not looking for you to be anything but my ultimate enemy. so back off, you're not what i would prefer to see. when my body rots i still wont give you the courtesy. you came with fire for the last time. warrior poet once said, you're nor dead yet so live like you could be. warrior poet said, have no regrets when you're old. have no regrets when you're old.

i finished my ROP course for cosmetology yesterday thursday. our presentation went ok. ha, i kinda forgot to say some stuff but all well. all in all, i think we did pretty good. if i opened a salon, i'd hire us! haha now i just have to wait until november to put my name on the waiting list. hopefully i wont have to wait that long but we'll see. yyou can find a few more pictures HERE yes, i'm wearing a business suit and heels! haha


this past week i've been learning a lot about myself and my family while working with my dad and his friend. it's amazing how long you can know someone but still learn something new about them everyday. it might not come as a suprise to some people, but for those who don't know my dad was a drug addict and an alcoholic. it was 20 years ago when he decided that he needed to better himself and checked himself into rehab. i've heard countless stories about different things he's tried and how certain drugs make him feel. he doesn't hide anything he's experienced and that's why i respect him so much. he's open to answering any question i have about drugs or drug use. he's openly told stories to my friends who have asked him questions or if he just felt like they should be educated on the subject. i have never felt embarassed or ashamed because of my dad's past. i'll respect someone even more if they get the balls to ask someone who's a recovered drug addict or alcoholic a simple question to be more educated on that suject. a lot of people wonder why i don't drink or try pot or anything and to be completely honest with you, it is because of my dad. he is half of who i am. half of my blood line came from a drug addict and alcoholic. i have that 50% chance of drinking or trying a drug and getting addicted to that lifestyle. do i drink? sure on occasion but not at a party or anything. i drink when my dad hands me something and says, here try this. but what it comes down to is more of a personal choice not to get involved in the lifestyle of partying every weekend, whether it be getting high or drunk.

i know that's the one thing my dad would be disappointed in me in, and i can't bear to even think about how much that would hurt him, not to mention my mom. my parents are some of my best friends. just how you wouldn't want to do anything to disappoint your best friend, i don't want to do anything to disappoint mine. so now you all know a little bit more into my personal life and why i make some of the coices i do.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!! =)

why georgia

cause i wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life. am i living it right? am i living it right? am i living it right? why, georgia why?

school has been zipping by. two weeks down, one more to go. we have a presentation for a group project on tuesday, wednesday school reps are gonna come and talk to us, and then thursday we get our completion letters. super stoked!! i'm definitely gonna miss my starbucks runs though. totally love hanging out there, drinking my frappuccino or hot chocolate (sometimes both), and watching the softball games that are played across the street while i wait for my dad to pick me up. sometimes we just sit and watch them together. after next week i get to start playing again, so i'm really excited for that!

saturday is all about scream zone with kristen and some other people. why the heck she invited me is beyond me. i'm the biggest pansy in the world and she knows this!! hello slight panic attacks, raspy voice from screaming, and having the shit scared out of me. god, i'm gonna hate this. all well. i can suck it up for a night with my best friend. nine years and counting, she's definitely gonna be the life-long friend. i friggen love her to death! =)


recently, i had a very interesting conversation with a very close friend. we were talking about our fears and my biggest one is growing up. yes, i know it sounds a little childish, but it's true. i am scared to death of growing up. i've known what i wanted to do in life since i was 13, i know where i want to settle down when i start a family one day, i know what i expect from myself, but i can't help but be scared for that all to happen. maybe not so much of becoming what i want to be, but more along the lines of settling down, starting a family, and getting into the routine of playing the role of the 9-5, middle aged, working woman with a family to take care of. i don't know, maybe i'm over-analyzing it, but i can't help it. it's not that i don't have faith in myself that i wont be good at that role, but gah, i don't know how to explain this. but while talking to this friend i realized that i need to stop thinking soo much into the future and just focus on right now, the present. i've always told people whatever happens happens. i believe everything happens for a reason and the more you focus on the future, the less time you spend appreciating the present. now, all i need to do is follow my own advice, and that's what i plan on doing.

off-topic thought: everyone should go listen to demi lovato's cd don't forget. LOVE IT!!!

innocence

it's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming. it's the happiness inside that you're feeling. it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry. this innocence is brilliant, i hope that it will stay. this moment is perfect, please don't go away. i need you now. and i'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by.

being in this whole "you're an adult now that you're 18. you can do this on your own now" world is still new to me, although, as of tomorrow, i've been here for seven months. for example, i didn't know that with credit cards you're just supposed to make a monthly payment, i thought you had to pay the whole thing off before you charged anything else to it! i think it might be a little dangerous for me now that i know i can keep charging stuff to it, but i'm going to try my hardest to resist the urges. i think the hardest time i'll have with it is if i move out and have to keep up on everything cause my roommates are slackers. honestly, i don't think it'll be that bad though. cross your fingers that it isn't just in case. ugh, i need to get a job soon. i hate being broke, especially when i have to think about school, gas, a car, and maybe moving out. oh goodness. coach please hire me when you open.


i realized i have this strange......liking of reading people's blogs/journals regardless of if i know them or not. weird? yeah, i think in a small way it is, but i think the fact that i know some other person in the world is going through something similar to what you're going through in life is relieving. it's also neat to read how other people live their life and go through experiences, how they decide to approach a situation. not everyone has the same life, views, or struggles as you do, and to know that is thrilling. knowing that i'm me and i'm the only 'me' in the entire world is refreshing. we live in a world of trends where finding something unique is a needle in a haystack. but being who you are, where you come from, what you believe in, where you're going in life, that's something only you have control of. life is something that isn't a trend. a trend is something someone volunteers to participate in, life is something you're brought into. you don't have a choice if you want to participate or not. the diversity of cultures, problems, and people is what makes life beautiful.

random fun fact: i only eat toast when there's melted peanut butter on top.

weird world

it's a weird world don't you know it? it's a weird would and it wont slow down. it's a weird world no matter how you roll it. hey hey hey, sweet baby. there's a way just stand up and fight it. hey hey hey, never give up and don't let it wear you out, your love. it's a weird world, yeah.

i found my old journal from back in the elementary days. definitely some old memories came back to make me smile. hahaha i love myself when i was a little tyke! i can't wait to read that thing 10 years from now and see if those same feelings and memories come to mind.

life's been going good lately. had a family reunion this past weekend with my dad's side of the family. it was nice catching up with everyone and eating some yummy food. =) my brother got me sick a few days ago so i've just been trying to sleep it off. my nose and head are all gross and my nose wont stop running. ugh, kill me now please! hopefully i get better soon. i really don't want to start my ROP course with a cold. aahh 11 MORE DAYS!! =)

highlight of the week - got the jobro tickets yesterday!! i think they're nosebleed seats but i could careless. i can't wait to see my cousin's reaction when they get on stage. i'm gonna try super-duper hard to find a way so she can meet them. that would seriously make my life, no lie. no one deserves them more than that girl.

no, she's not my kid. i swear, i get asked that question at least three times when we go out in public.